Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
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3:20 pm - Friends, Part 2
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We used to have a great close-knit group. Well, actually two groups, mine and Michael's. We all met in college and quickly bonded, for it seemed like life. Fastforward a few years (or 6) and many of us have spread out into the 'burbs, got married and even started reproducing. It's the reproduction that was the final step in the slow process of moving on and away.
To the outsider, the process of having children seems to make a couple to want to concentrate more on the within. At first they make attempts at not changing their lifestyle too much but slowly sucumber to the realities of life. The baby gets older, his lungs growing stonger while his bladder shrinks proportionally. Dinner out with friends is no longer a fun activity. A cute little sleeping bundle becoming a screaming and pooping toddler.
Those of us without children, reciprocate by putting more distance between us and the new parents (and their screaming, pooping bundles of joy). We don't see the point of arranging our schedules around naps and feedings of other people's babies. Or finding restaurants that have booster seats and child-friendly food, staff and patrons.
As a result we no longer speak to a number of our college friends. Another group we see a few times a year on obligatory birthdays of each other or other mutual friends.
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3:09 pm - Jobs...Career
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I'm beginning to think that Corporate America is not for me. At first I thought I just need to find the right industry and the right company. And for a while I thought I found them. But 3 years later, I realize that deep down they're all the same. Hoping from company to company every 2-3 years doesn't seem to make sense. But if I leave, where would I go. I've been slaving away in Corporate America for the past 10 years and don't really have any other experience. I dream of getting a Ph.D. in Russian Lit while running a catering business out of my kitchen and freelancing (writing) in between the two. Although with the 10-12 hour days that I pull right now, it shouldn't be so hard.
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1:21 pm - Friends...birthdays
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I always feel bad showing up to a birthday gathering without a present of any kind. Even if it's a large group meeting in a restaurant or bar. I also feel bad not acknowledging a birthday even the if the person chooses not to throw a big party or if we can't attend. Since I don't make a big deal about any other holidays, for me birthdays are sacred.
Turns out my own friends don't share this point of view. They only reciprocate when I make a big deal out of my birthday AND they can make it. Otherwise, why bother. Recently we went to a birthday of a friend that fell only a week after mine. This year as well as last, we brought her something. She knows that my birthday was only days before hers, yet I got nothing both times. This was the last year I brought anything other than myself to her party.
But I guess relatives are guilty of this as well. Although since Michael's cousin forgot about my birthday this year. We can also conviniently forget about his wife's next May.
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Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
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10:34 am - closet
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In my younger days I was a tomboy. Shorts and pants were my favorite clothing as it was easier to run and climb in them. Until about the age of 10 I only had two dresses - school uniform and really fancy birthday attire. Recently however (well, more like last 10 years), I've started going more glam. In the past few years I've acquired lots of flirty skirts and sexy dresses. But my lifestyle didn't change with my new clothing obsession and now I find myself with a closet full of unwearable stuff. Most of my dresses still have tags attached and those that don't have been worn only once. I think that's why some guy invented cruises with formal dinners. His wife was probably whining that she has nowhere to wear her new dress and he didn't feel like going out just because. We should go on a cruise.
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9:44 am - mothers
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Yet another post about my mother. There'll be a few (hundred if not thousands). Some days she's driving me absolutely nuts. She has this friend, who in turn has a daughter my age that she recently took to comparing me to almost daily. All of a sudden I should be like everyone else. Where was she when just like everyone else I wanted to stay out late in high school or go to a party? Every time the girl's name gets brought up, I just want to scream. And I usually do unless we're in a public space. But since this is being done for my own good and she wants nothing but the best for me, she totally doesn't get why I get upset and want to throw things.
Yesterday was more of the same. "Linochka already has a 3 year old and she's doing her MBA part time while working for UBS." Well good for her, now if you don't have anything to brag about, make shit up and leave me alone. How can she possibly want the best for me while at the same time she can't bear to see me relaxing at home on the couch. How will going to school every day after work, then doing homework while trying to spend the time with a toddler going to improve my life? I just don't get it.
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9:39 am - friends
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A couple of things have been bothering me lately. One of them is friends and birthdays. There are friends you exchange birthday presents with and there are friends with whom you don't. But that's not what I have a problem with. What really bugs me are the friends who only get you stuff if you make a big deal about your birthday AND they bother showing up. I don't get the "I come I give, I don't come I don't give" strategy. We're still friends and it's still my birthday, so where's my present? Selfish, perhaps. But I always got you something nice, and I don't even get a card. Part of me wants to retaliate next year and part of me thinks I should be the bigger person. Perhaps if I had the wallet of a Rockerfeller, I'd feel more generous but we all make the same. So what gives?
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Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
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5:31 pm - Dilbert
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So sad but so true. If I just substitute PowerPoint for Excel or even Acces, then this is pretty much my life. And yet when I create a report or a database, I'm so proud of them. But then I'm also the only one who appreciates my works of art.
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Monday, July 31st, 2006
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3:31 pm - hmm...
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Since I brought work home over the weekend, I was obviously procrastinating the whole time and looking for other ways to occupy myself. So started thinking about something that has always been bothering me. Why is it that Russian-Jewish community seems to be the most integrated and blended in. Many other ethnic groups maintain their culture and language several generations after moving to the States. In our community, however, forgetting Russian after only a few years seems to be applauded. Is it because Russian language and culture were never really ours (or at least we didn't consider them as such)? Or because we tried to align with our Jewish side instead (only it didn't take for most)? Or perhaps moving to the States means we had to shed our old identity and completely immerse into the new environment? I've been curious about this for many years now but haven't come any closer to finding an answer.
What got me started thinking about this all over again was seeing all our Russian books displayed in the bookcases and realizing that most (close to 95%) or our Russian friends have long ago lost their ability to read Russian. What really saddens me though is not even that they lost it but that they don't miss it.
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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
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10:27 am - headache
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I've had this stupid headache since Saturday. Wonder if it has anything to do with the combination of having my period and crappy weather (compounded by the patch). Tried all the over the counter pills with no relief in sight. Michael even gave me a shot of something last night but it only made me feel better for about an hour and then the stupid throbbing came back. He thinks I should see someone but all the specialists don't take insurance. Apparently those of us plagued by frequent headaches should be able to afford cash payments. As if migraines equal wealth or something.
Althoug it's interesting how Michael have been jumping at every opportunity to stick me with a needle. Every time I ask for something stronger than OTC, he starts lining up his needles. Even the cat is beginning to get nervous. :P
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Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
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10:39 am - mothers
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I'm so angry at my mother right now!!!!!!!!!! I hate when she treats me like a 5-yr old and then wants to know why I'm all worked up over nothing. She keeps insisting on taking control over the situation but then doesn't tell me anything about what's going on. Keeps saying I should just shut and be grateful for her help. Meanwhile I have absolutely no clue as to what it is she's actually doing. So what am I grateful for? I have no idea. None. Why am I just suppose to say "thank you" and leave her alone? Have I ever done it? Would she? No and no. So why does she keep saying it over and over. She knows it's not going to happen ever!
After that lovely conversation my migraine came back in full force. My head is absolutely exploding!
WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
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11:30 am - Confessions of a Shopaholic
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Shopping should be 8th deadliest sin. Sometimes I feel that I singlehandedly keep the retail industry afloat and in the black. I have a hard time going more than a week without buying something. Keeping busy and working late helps. By the time I make it outside, the stores are closed. Luckily I'm also a very frugal shopper and most of what I come home with are scored bargains. But that also means that I don't join the trends until the current season is on sale and not so current anymore. My ultimate dream is to just walk into a store and buy what I like without having to check the sales tag and do math. Occassionally I feel like a slave to the price tags. I don't even try stuff on or check the size if the price is not right. But at least I've kept my math skills up.
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11:21 am - Relationships
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Was talking a friend this morning and she was worried about telling her new boyfriend that she has HPV. He recently told her that he broke up with a girl he was seeing before her because she had health issues that would affect her ability to conceive. That seemed really strange to me. I've never thought of people as sperm donors or uteris hosts. I always thought that you either click with a person or your don't. Their ability to conceive or impregnate never even entred my mind.
In fact my husband and I never even discussed this issue. It is simply a non-issue for us. We married each other not for our ability to parent children but because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together (with or without children).
If a couple marries solely to reproduce, then what do they do when the kids are in camp or away in college or have completely moved out. At the point they probably still have at least 20-30 years together. How do they spend that time?
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11:18 am - Random thoughts
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I've recently felt that I need an outlet for some thoughts that I don't really have anyone to share with. Although I'm married and have plenty of friends, there are many things I don't tell them for various reasons. This is just easier.
Blogging seems to require a need to entertain an audience, which I'm not interested in. Just want some place to jot things down.
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